Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
