she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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