I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm at about main and main street
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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