u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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