I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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