my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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