my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
