That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
