Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
