its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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