i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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