i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
