If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
