What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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