My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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