dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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