Don't make out with my wife yet
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
