If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
