Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
