I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
