im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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