i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
