My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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