I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
