Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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