I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The adults are the big ones right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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