...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
