I can tuck mytits in my pants
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
