I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
