and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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