I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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