then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
