Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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