My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
