1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
