hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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