That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
