You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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