You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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