just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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