I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
