I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
