He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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