I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
