Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
