wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
