How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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