bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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