i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
