so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
