never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize