u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
