Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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