He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
