Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
