Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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