So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk is a universal language darling
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