I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
