yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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