??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize