This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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