I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
