a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
