if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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