I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
