The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
